A Red Velvet Armadillo

Should you ask me how wedding plans are going you will receive a shrugged response, "All the major components are in place and everything remaining are things no one will notice is missing." (Everyone except people like me who are liable to critique your execution of square vases versus round.) A few enterprising people will follow up with questions to get a few more details. There is one question I hear often enough to now have a route conversation for.

"What's Wm's groom's cake going to be like?"

"We're not planning on a groom's cake."

"What? Why not!"

"I'm from PA. He's from LA. A groom's cake is a southern tradition." Let me briefly define "groom's cake" those of you not living below the Mason-Dixon line. It's a second cake served at a wedding which represents the groom - often shaped like a favorite brand-named beverage, a video game character, or his car. Frequently the cake is considered the groom's one element of control in the wedding planning which often provides a zany conversation piece. Most women of a certain generation will recall the armadillo cake featured in Steel Magnolias (1989).

"What? Really? I've seen them outside of the south before!"

"Still, we're omitting that detail. We have tons of other things to plan and spend money on."

I do love myself. "Hm, maybe," actually means, "Well, sure, now that reality, wedding tv shows have popularized the notion, that the wedding industry is trying even more to reach into your pocket and yoink out your precious coins in the name of perfection, and even outside of the south there is still a good probability that either the bride or groom is from the south given that the questioner is likely southern himself or herself."

So, yup, No groom's cake at this reception.